Never been happier.

I remember June 26th, 2007 when I thought I was in love. November 2007 when I thought nothing could make this feeling change. I've never been so wrong!

When I had my son November 3, 2009 I fell in love! Instantly. Nothing, ever could break that.

My romantic, love life was dead. I thought going after guys would make me feel better and I may even find "the one". Then one day at church I heard this during worship.

"Why are you looking for love* Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough* To where will you go child* Tell me where will you run* To where will you run.."

It was like God was telling me to just stop.. Stop looking for love. I had it right in front of me anyways. A beautiful baby boy and God! I was only leading myself down the wrong paths. I knew that's not what God wanted for me. I knew I deserved more. I deserved REAL love.

So, I promised myself I would wait until God brought him to me. Best choice I have EVER made!!

About two months later, my now husband, started hanging out with me and my sisters and my sisters then fiance. He was really into partying, doing stupid stuff. Not really my kind of thing.. But something about him was so attractive.

He kept asking me on dates and we would hang out all the time. My son fell in love with him, which made him even more attractive.

On April 21st we officially started dating. We were amazing together. Me, my son and him were constantly together. Caleb (My now husband) took such good care of my son that he became a father figure to him. They are best friends!

We went through a lot in our first year of dating. Two engagements, breakups, fights.. I got pregnant in July and my due date was April 21st.. Funny hu? (The day we started dating the year before)

He stopped partying and doing stupid things for my son and I. He gave up being a kid to be a dad, to be in a relationship with ME!! Wow.. What a guy!!

Our daughter was born April 14th, 2011. We got married on June 4th, 2011. He joined the National Guard in December, 2011. He has had many jobs and cars in our relationship. We have been in 2 apartments and a house together.

The National Guard is the best choice for a job we could of made. We have so much more to do together, so many more life changing decisions to make..

He made the decision to stop being a child to take care of me and my child. He decided to go from job to job to support us. He decided to join the National Guard to make a better future for us 4. He grew in his faith for God through all of this. He never left me with nothing. He never cheated on me. He never treated our son different than our daughter. We saved each other.

I always see and hear about these guys treating girls wrong, with babies or not.. That just makes me even more grateful for my husband. I have NEVER met a man like him.

I know I am doing good in my life. I am so blessed for my husband and my children. I know I couldn't of gotten where I am now without listening to God.. Without opening my heart to where he wanted me to go. Caleb is my best friend, the love of my life. I thank God for him and my lovelies every single day. I will never take them for granted. God only wants what is best..

Growing together. Falling apart.

Well. It's been a while since I have expressed myself through my blog. I have so much going on in my life right now, why not share how I feel? :)

Have you ever just went through your FaceBook posts, notes, or pictures? I do a lot.. Not that I am stuck in the past, I just like seeing how far I have come or all of my great memories. Well, I was reading my notes (And deleting them..) and on the right hand side were my friend's notes.. One friend in particular had an interesting title for her note, so I read it. It talked about how all of her friends (I was included) had stuck together, grew closer together, and accepted her for who she was.. No matter the flaw. That was in 2009.. The year it seems like everything changed. Friendships were ending.. Falling apart. Her note was about what WAS..

It got me to thinking.. I had so many friends. I had two best friends and a few close church friends. What happened? Why did we all drift apart? Or was it just me who had drifted from them..? Yup. That's it. I had a baby, everything changed from there. I wasn't a kid anymore. No more randomly going to a concert or the lake.. No more staying out late roaming the streets or 2am Taco Bell runs. I just stayed home all the time.. Pushed everyone away. But, of course I did! It was tough! My good friend was going through some tough times with a family tragedy, our youth group was ending, and I just had a kid.. Change was happening. You just can't control it..

I use to pray that something would happen to bring everything back to "normal" again. That the feeling I had of being used, betrayed.. Would just go away. That I wouldn't be pregnant anymore, it was all a dream. How silly that is to think of now.. Because I know now how blessed I am to have my baby boy. I wouldn't ever go back and change that.. But in 2009, I didn't want anything to change!

I think back sometimes to all of the good times those friends and I had together.. Before I had a kid, even a little after he was born, when they would come around still. I am so blessed to of had those fun times, even if I was sad that they ended. People move on to bigger things. Growing up.. :) I am so proud of all of the friends I had back then. I am proud of myself as well. God really gave us each a different story, a different path. It's amazing to think about.. How you can see yourself somewhere years from now, but God has a completely different plan for you! I love it.

Now, I have two kids and an amazing husband and basically only two close(ish) friends. And you know what? I don't want to go back to 2009 or before that. I love where I am. I have grown so much and met some amazing people. Change is great!

My husband is now in the National Guard and we are making huge changes to our lives soon that are so exciting and scary at the same time! I guess every step of life is just a challenge really.. To see how you react or adapt to change. When this big change happens to my family and I, I can only pray to have my sisters, mom, dad, and friends still.. But one thing I do know, and can hold close to my heart, is that I will always have God and my family. They're my rock.

It's not bad to look at the past and smile or cry.. Just don't get stuck in it. Don't wonder "why didn't I.." or "What if I would have done that, would they still be my friend.." Or any "what if's" really.. Just MOVE ON! Life is so short. Be happy. Praise God for all the great times you've had with great people, and make more no matter the change! Change is GOOD! Took me a while to learn that.. It's amazing where you get with a little understanding.